2010 will go down in the Thelen history book as "The Year of Change". The funny thing is that the vast majority of the changes that have happened this year were so unexpected but have, as is so typical with God's planning, turned out to be the biggest blessings.

If you were to have talked with me a year ago I would have told you that Matt & I were moving back home to Michigan, to my hometown to be exact. We were going to buy a farm and enjoy being near family. I was going to work part-time and we were going to travel to places we had only dreamed of visiting. We were going to go on mission trips together, something we have both dreamed of doing as a married couple.

As I look back over this past year, I can see how God has answered my prayers and I realize how at the time the "No" and "Not yet" responses that I was given have resulted in some of the best blessings. At the time of course, I was devastated and questioned God's judgement......how foolish I can be sometimes.

We were so frustrated when the plan to return home to Michigan became obviously not the right choice at this time. However, we are both so blessed by the jobs that we have here. Matt works with wonderful people at a job that he enjoys, as do I. I love my Christian partners and value the experience that they have had that they readily share with me. It is an amazing job as a new physician! The other girls in the office are sweet and fun and it is a joy to work with them. As always, God knew just what I needed!

We were shocked to learn that we were expecting. I know, as a doctor, I should be more on top of this but what can I say! Isaac has been the most wonderful addition to our family. I had no idea that I could love someone so much but most days when I sit looking at his sweet face I feel such love for him that I could cry. I pray that he will become a follower of Christ and wonder about what God has in store for his life. So amazing that God knit together this wonderful, small person and that he was brought into this world for a specific purpose. It is also so frightening to think of the impact that Matt & I will have in his life. It makes me want to become a better person so that he won't end up with the same crazy neurosis as his mother!

So, the year of 2010 has consisted of a new job for Matt, completion of 12yrs of post-graduate training for Sarah with the start of a new job, moving to TN, and the wonderful addition of Isaac to our family. Maybe 2011 will be a little less exciting! :)

I have been laughing out loud as I read the Huntsville, AL recent farm and garden postings. I was looking to see if people had posted any animals that I might be interested in purchasing (to live on the farm that I have not yet found, but regardless, I enjoy daydreaming about owning goats/horses/cattle.....) Here are two of my favorite ones and I do swear these are real posts!

2 Goats For Sale

At the age of 29yrs old my cumulative 24 years of education have finally come to a close. I have to admit that there were several points along the way when I honestly wondered if I would ever reach this point--it seemed so far away. But here it is and now I find myself sad that it is actually over. It is all that I have ever known. I have always been in training. Despite being nearly 30 yrs old, I have never held a job where I functioned entirely independently. It is weird to think that from now on I can and will make my own decisions and not have to have them approved by someone else. It is also very scary...... I image that this is how everyone feels to some degree when they are embarking upon their first job. I think that it is just magnified for me as I feel the gravity of caring for people's lives.

My mother in law gave me a wonderful graduation gift. It is an artist's painting of my life up until this point. I was able to tell them 20 something events in my life that I wanted featured as well as cars I had driven, streets I had lived on, schools I had attended, etc. It is a great present and I really enjoy to look at it and see where God has taken me over these past years. So many things that I never thought would happen to me, have happened and have been some of my life's greatest blessings. I NEVER wanted to go to a private Christian college, but Calvin College was an amazing fit for me. It was where I truly became a Christian woman, made wonderful friends, and met my husband, Matthew. I NEVER intended upon going to medical school in inner city Detroit, but my training and the way that living there shaped my worldview are priceless. I NEVER intended upon becoming a Family Physician. I was going to do something much more high profile, like Infectious Disease or Maternal Fetal Medicine but honestly there could be no better fit for me. I love delivering babies and caring for grandparents. I love the continuity of care in the office and also performing surgery. I also NEVER wanted to live in the South. I am a Northern girl who loves the outdoors and doesn't particularly enjoy the ocean. I like snow and adore the leaves changing colors in the fall. Now I find myself moving to Tennessee after living in Florida for 3 years and Alabama for 1 year. I really think that God has been laughing at me and all my NEVER's! 

The Bible verse at the bottom of the painting is Psalm 121:1-2. One of my favorites and my comfort in all of life's challenges.

" I lift my eyes up to the hills,
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. "

As this chapter in life is closing, it is my prayer that God will guide me through this new beginning.

So.....as most of you know, Matt and I are going to be venturing into the scary world of parenthood come December. As a typical type A person, I am still wondering at how something so unexpected snuck into my life. This next year was going to be my year of selfishness when we would finally have free time and money! I have been daydreaming about elaborate vacations and finally purchasing horses. I had the whole thing planned out! I was going to do all the things that my friends have been doing for decades while I have been in my delayed gratification mode of school/residency/fellowship. I just don't understand how this happened.....well, you know what I mean!

Now, don't get me wrong....I am excited about carrying a new life inside of me but I do feel compelled to be honest that part of me is sad at how my life is going to change. Now I am sure that all of my friends with children who read this are going to say things like motherhood is amazing and such a blessing and yada, yada, yada.....but I seriously have a hard time believing that the majority of mom's don't at some point think to themselves "What the hell did I get myself into! My life would have been so much easier if we wouldn't have had children!" Even though, it must be in the secret code of mothers to never utter these words, I bet most of them have thought them, perhaps even daily! I bought a book yesterday titled "It Sucked and Then I Cried: how I had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita." It seems hilarious and I think it will suit me well because I love the raw honesty in it!

Now so that those of you who read this don't report me to DHR, I do need to say that we are excited about having a son. We have yet to give him an official name so for the time being he is referred to as "Lil bit". He gets blamed for a considerable amount of ice cream consumption which I am finding is a great perk. (I plan on breast feeding so I am justifying a considerable amount of chocolate consumption!) Additionally, Matt is under some delusion that I can't vacuum anymore (not sure where he got that idea from!!!) so I am off the hook for vacuuming up all the dog/cat hair that accumulates in our home--yet another perk! I am thoroughly spoiled as I pretty much have 24/7 access to the ultrasound. I think that I have as many pictures of our son as some parents do of their 1 yr old child and we are only 18wks pregnant! The clinic's new 3D/4D scanner is my new addiction and it is so amazing to see your own child grow and develop. Of course I am neurotic and I have counted all the fingers/toes and make sure that the heart/spine/lip, etc look normal as well. I do think that I will be less neurotic when I have made it to 24wks and know that I have a viable baby. Knowing too much can make things frightening!

So in lieu of going on my elaborate vacation that was planned in my head (and let me tell you, it was going to be amazing!) I am going to venture on a different but quite exciting trip with my younger brother, Jake. We have yet to finalize where out West we are going, but the fact is from 8/29 to 9/14 I will be on the road out West with Jake in his Volkswagen Vanagan!

Today I learned an important lesson: just because you have a professional career that doesn't mean that you will act like a professional and treat your collegues in a professional manner.

Maybe I have been living in the South too long because I really thought that people, especially doctors, should treat each other with respect.

Today I had a devastatingly frustrating conversation with two OB/Gyn physicians in my hometown in Michigan who made their feelings clear about me returning home and practice medicine alongside them. The evil, frustrated part of me wants to tell everyone in our small town about how I was treated but I know that won't actually make me feel any better.

The sad, honest truth is that Matt and I cannot return to the community that we cherish near the family that we love because 2 OB/Gyn's are not willing to work with me simply because I am a Family Physician.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways aknowledge him and he will keep your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5&6

This was one of the favorite verses of my Great Grandmother. It has popped into my mind as I sit in the Grand Rapids airport and wonder when the next time will be that I return to this area.

As I think about what it means to truly Trust in the Lord, I realize how little I actually do of this and rather try to control every situation in my Type A personality way to doing things. Matt and I are finding ourselves at a life crossroads as we are contemplating where life is taking us after the completion of my Fellowship this July. It seems that there are several options that are feasable and none of which are "wrong." It is my prayer that as our friends and family you will join Matt and I in prayer as we embark upon this journey of growing up! :) 

I am very proud of Matt. He ran the Disney Marathon last weekend in 4hrs 50min. The temperatures were freezing for Florida and at the water stations the ground was covered in ice but Matt persevered! I, however, went back to the warmth of bed after I dropped him off at 4am! He refrained from taking his picutre with all the Disney characters that were cheering for the runners along the path but I managed to capture a few picutres along the route! Unfortunately I missed him at the 1/2 way point by a few minutes but caught up with him later.

Tragedy is very hard to understand.

Recently a wonderful resident's wife came in to the hospital with an unexpected abruption and a dead baby at 32wks. No risk factors, no reason why this should have happened. They are a wonderful Christian couple who were so excited to be having a baby. Contrast this to the 16 year old high school girl who uses cocaine and has no prenatal care and delivers a  gorgeous healthy baby. Really?

A group of extremely poor but kind people who live in poverty in Haiti are suffering from an earthquake. Their country which honestly was already in complete disarray is even harder off now. Children in orphanages that hardly had enough to eat are now without a home and likely food.

Here I sit in my home in Alabama and I am so blessed. I have never known what it is to be without shelter, food or drinkable water. I have electricity and indoor plumbing. I have a car to drive and money to put gas into it when it is empty. I am absolutely blessed.

There is an interesting Nooma series video called "Rich" by Rob Bell, a great pastor from Grand Rapids, MI that talks about how blessed we are as Americans. It is so true! You may be thinking that you don’t have that new TV or car or as big of a home that you want but if you have access to in the internet to read this silly blog then you are immensely wealthy! What are you going to do with your blessings? How are you going to share them with the poor in your town and those across the globe?

We can't believe that we have been married for 4 years! What is even more amazing is that we met and started dating over 7 years ago! Time has been flying by.

As we are contemplating where God is leading us next we realized that we know that wherever we end up that we know we will be happy. God has been so good to us and it is very hard to be discontent when you live with your best friend.

I find myself having a recurrent daycream. It brings a smile to my face just to think of it. If you have ever had the pleasure of being at a teaching hospital then you will understand.

My dream day would consist of showing up to work and finding several people near delivery with beauitful fetal heart rate tracings. In a few moments one would be ready to deliver and I would proced to go into her room. Since I am at a teaching hospital typically I would have to round up the resident on call to come and join me, but on this particular day the residents are trapped in the elevator (Hallelujah!) so I am abe to deliver this patient on my own. It is for once quiet in the delivery room as I do not need to instruct anyone on how to properly put on their gloves, where to place their hands, etc. I could simply talk to my patient and enjoy the miracle of watching a new life enter this world.  Ahhh...it would be an wonderful experiece. Is that really too much to ask?

As I was blowdrying my hair for the first time this week (my schedule has sucked!) and noticed how different I looked in regular people clothes I began to contemplate the pros and cons of scrubs.

If you do not work in the hospital you may not realize the unwritten rules about scrubs so if you are at all interested I will enlighten you. There is quite a difference between nurse's scrubs and doctor's scrubs. Being a female physician this is a particularly crappy rule. Nurses can wear any scrubs they want. They purchase their own so they are different colors and are generally very cute. They fit properly and have cut flare leg cuts. Now if you are a physician you might be forced to turn in your badge if you are caught wearing such scrubs. Physicians, rather, are expected to wear the plain color scrubs that the hospital provides. Unfortunately for me, Huntsville Hospital's chosen color is a awful forest green. They are not long enough for me so I wear a size too big to compensate. The result is not very flattering. And who can handle wearing the same awful color every day? I try to make up for it by wearing different zip-ups over my scrub tops however this mostly results in patients and families thinking that I am a physical therapist or similar and doesnt exactly exude the "I am a professional and I will deliver your baby and everything will be fine" vibe that I would like.

Now this morning when I was drenched first in amniotic fluid, I was quite happy to be able to change scrubs and have the lovely laundry personel wash them for me instead of suffering through the day with dirty clothing. I wore those scrubs for about 30 minutes until I delivered a baby and got blood on my second pair and then changed them again. So, one advantage for nasty colored hospital provided scrubs is that you can change them as often as you please and not even have to wash them....not all bad!

Also, I have to say there is something wonderful about not having to think at all about what you will wear. I simply grab a pair from the pile, throw them on and out the door I go. If you wash them yourself they do get a softness to them that makes the bearable to sleep in.

However, if I would have known that I could never wear the cute, bright-colored, fitted scubs that you typically think of then I may have seriously considered being a nurse. I dread how many pictures there are of me holding little newborns in my awful forest green scrubs. Does that make me vain?

Unfortunately, I have to now change back into those beautiful scrubs and head back to work. Yet another young woman with no prenatal care has shown up in labor....gotta love being on call!

I am not sure what exactly has triggered this state of contemplation that I am finding myself in. Likely it is related to moving somewhere new, working insane hours, and actually having the end of 12 year of college/training coming to an official end next year.


I find myself remembering why I went into medicine in the first place and how I desperately believed that I could make a difference in people's lives. I hope that is still the case; however, it is so hard not to become jaded and believe that everyone in pain wants to sell narcotics on the street and knowing that even though you spend 30 minutes giving discharge instructions to a patient they may not follow through with anything that you are recommending resulting in a readmission later that same week. It is so hard not to become frustrated and worn out. I remember thinking that money matter very little to me and as long as I was practicing medicine in a capacity that I loved the amount of money that I made would be beside the point. Now that my medical school loans are looming in front of me it is hard to remember that desire. I find myself thinking is it possible to still make decent money and work only part-time? I am exhausted.

Have you ever sat down and truly thought about what you are doing with your life and where you believe God is leading you? These are the things that have been heavy on my heart lately. These are the goals that I have for my life--some generic, some specific, and in no particular order.

1. Serve my Savior daily
2. Continue in a long, happy marriage
3. Live out my dreams and not just make lists :)
4. Segment hike the AT (much more realistic for me)
5. Visit ALL the National Parks
6. Live a quiet, simple life in the country surrounded by those I love
7. Medical Missions: preferably long term missions
8. Raise children that love the Lord
9. Value people and time more than money and things
10. Deliver babies into the world, hold the hands of those dying, and all that lies in between with the Lord's blessing on my judgment and his name on my lips. Pray with my patients and pray for my patients.

I apologize if this is an odd post but I must say that there is something therapeutic about writing this all out. Thanks for listening!

I am not sure how many of you have watched the great movie, Fireproof, but if you haven't you really should. It is an awesome movie about marriage. Matt and I both bought the daily devotional called "Love Dare" which goes along with the movie and challenges you to be a better spouse. The ironic thing is that we didn't realize that the other person had also bought the book until today when I mentioned how bummed I was that Matt didn't realize the very nice gesture that I had made to him. Now I am only on Day 2 of the journal but the challenge for the day was to not say anything negative about your spouse (for those of you who know Matt you will know much easier of a time I will have at this than he will have about me) and then also to perform an unexpected act of kindness.
Now I hate ironing. In fact I despise it. My main happiness in the last few weeks of working insane hours has been that I get to wear scrubs every day. Matt however is interviewing for jobs, etc and has to dress accordingly. He had some pants that needed to be ironed and I figured that would be an excellent way to show much I love him. So, with the best of intentions in my heart, I spent quite a while ironing a pair of his pants. I was a little confused on what exactly to do about the creases in the front and since I am not a huge fan of creases in pants I simply ironed them out. Perhaps that is where my act of kindness went a little astray!
This evening at dinner I sadly announced that I was concerned that he hadn't noticed the nice thing that I had done for him (I think getting credit for the good deed isn't the point of the book, but I was quite proud of myself!) and Matt started laughing and said that when he saw his pants he brought them to get dry cleaned because of how badly I had ironed them. Hmmmm......I guess it is true that no good deed goes unpunished! The nice thing is that together we had a good laugh about the whole ordeal.

So finally, I have a beautiful Alabama driver's license. It only required 3 trips to the Licensing office and only 3 hours of my life that I will never get back. I dare to say that it was easier to get a license to practice medicine and prescribe narcotics in this state than it was to get a license to drive. Alabama may be the most backwards place I have ever lived! The oh so pleasant woman working at the Licensing Office in fact told Matt that perhaps he should just move back to Florida when he mentioned that the line at the other office had been over a 2 hour wait. So much for Southern hospitality!