So.....as most of you know, Matt and I are going to be venturing into the scary world of parenthood come December. As a typical type A person, I am still wondering at how something so unexpected snuck into my life. This next year was going to be my year of selfishness when we would finally have free time and money! I have been daydreaming about elaborate vacations and finally purchasing horses. I had the whole thing planned out! I was going to do all the things that my friends have been doing for decades while I have been in my delayed gratification mode of school/residency/fellowship. I just don't understand how this happened.....well, you know what I mean!

Now, don't get me wrong....I am excited about carrying a new life inside of me but I do feel compelled to be honest that part of me is sad at how my life is going to change. Now I am sure that all of my friends with children who read this are going to say things like motherhood is amazing and such a blessing and yada, yada, yada.....but I seriously have a hard time believing that the majority of mom's don't at some point think to themselves "What the hell did I get myself into! My life would have been so much easier if we wouldn't have had children!" Even though, it must be in the secret code of mothers to never utter these words, I bet most of them have thought them, perhaps even daily! I bought a book yesterday titled "It Sucked and Then I Cried: how I had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita." It seems hilarious and I think it will suit me well because I love the raw honesty in it!

Now so that those of you who read this don't report me to DHR, I do need to say that we are excited about having a son. We have yet to give him an official name so for the time being he is referred to as "Lil bit". He gets blamed for a considerable amount of ice cream consumption which I am finding is a great perk. (I plan on breast feeding so I am justifying a considerable amount of chocolate consumption!) Additionally, Matt is under some delusion that I can't vacuum anymore (not sure where he got that idea from!!!) so I am off the hook for vacuuming up all the dog/cat hair that accumulates in our home--yet another perk! I am thoroughly spoiled as I pretty much have 24/7 access to the ultrasound. I think that I have as many pictures of our son as some parents do of their 1 yr old child and we are only 18wks pregnant! The clinic's new 3D/4D scanner is my new addiction and it is so amazing to see your own child grow and develop. Of course I am neurotic and I have counted all the fingers/toes and make sure that the heart/spine/lip, etc look normal as well. I do think that I will be less neurotic when I have made it to 24wks and know that I have a viable baby. Knowing too much can make things frightening!

So in lieu of going on my elaborate vacation that was planned in my head (and let me tell you, it was going to be amazing!) I am going to venture on a different but quite exciting trip with my younger brother, Jake. We have yet to finalize where out West we are going, but the fact is from 8/29 to 9/14 I will be on the road out West with Jake in his Volkswagen Vanagan!

And I plan on playing the part. I will be 26-28wks pregnant, so definitely showing and I plan on wearing some of those hippie flowy dresses to fully embrace the experience. My only two fears are that #1 we will break down in the middle of ugly Kansas where there will be nothing to do and #2 that we will get pulled over repeatedly because of concerns for drug possession and somehow I will lose my medical license! Other than that I am very excited! I do need to get my pregnant bootie in shape though, if I think that I am going to be climbing some mountains :)